If you’ve ever seen MTV’s Awkward, you know that the show is full of oft-hilarious acronyms for what are more or less simple phrases. You’ll also know one of the most famous acronyms from the show: DTR. It’s not a weird sex thing; it actually means to define the relationship. There’s no doubt that dating, especially in college can lead to a lot of stressful ambiguity for one, if not both members of the couple.
Generally I think the problem often leans more on the female in the (heterosexual) relationship. We all know that there is somewhat of a stereotype when it comes to college age bros. They want all the benefits of being in a relationship without feeling committed or tied down. This isn’t always the case, but I wouldn’t say it’s a rarity either.
Virtually all psychologist stress open communication when it comes to interpersonal relationships, weather that be sexual or not. While this may seem like an obvious solution, many of us let our emotions get the best of us and unconsciously take control of the things we say or do around our partners. If you are a lady looking for a well defined, meaningful, and committed relationship with a guy, it will help you to open up.
Speaking from my experience living with other male roommates over the years, we generally prefer simple, direct communication. We aren’t the type to pick up on small signals. Sometimes, the minuscule indirect statements don’t get the point across. We may pick up on only a few signals as they get more obvious, but in turn, we are less likely to do anything about them.
Then comes the actual conversation. Sometimes, it might be beneficial to lie out what you want, plain and simple; if you’re going to be coexisting with a person on such an intimate level you are allowed to state your terms without persecution. At the same time, though, know that compromise is a large part of any relationship, so try not to be too demanding. Remember, this is just a form of negotiation… a sexy negotiation.
Some might be worried about scaring a guy off but most mature guys are pretty reasonable when it comes to having a serious conversation. If he doesn’t want to commit, he won’t and it will be difficult to change that mindset. You can either cut your losses and move on, or you can try and make things work as they are. Even if you don’t get the full-blown relationship you want, you two might become closer than you were before and that is always a good start.
You may also be surprised. It is possible that your partner wanted the same thing all along and was just as afraid to talk about it as you were. Another thing to keep in mind is that not all guys in real life are like the guys are in Awkward; we are all pretty open to talk about things. However, if you find that he avoids the conversation in a creative way every time you bring it up, he may not be relationship material.