In college it is hard to know what guys want. Is it a hookup or is it more? The opposite sex is a foreign species and we are the epitome of an Ace Ventura trying to figure out who they really are. Relationships, dating, hooking up—it all seems very complicated in college with the societal norms set by women, the vagueness of texting and the drinking atmosphere in general. However, after a little digging around in man-world, I have discovered some insight that may finally lead to a bit more understanding.
We know that guys want to hook up…
It’s bar time. Your sexual antennas go up and you find yourself quickly glancing around the room for a mate. Sure, an attractive guy or girl would be nice, but this is time when booze begins to cloud judgment. You spot a decently attractive (if-I-was-sober-probably-would-not-have-happened) mate and pronounce the words we’ve all been waiting for: “Do you wanna get outta here?”
What happens the next morning when you wake up to that not-so-expected someone, and it’s not Christian Grey? You sit up in bed (granted, your hair’s a rat’s nest, makeup is smeared all down your face, your lips are red and chapped and you are far from your normal “hotness”). After you realize where you are, you may find yourself thinking things like, “What did last night mean? Will something come of it? Oh, he’s kind of cute; I hope he asks for my number…How drunk was I last night? How drunk was he last night? Can I nudge him to wake up so that I can leave? Or should I shyly sneak out? Then again, I could stick around for a nice MacTaggart’s egg sammi…”(much or less what most of us girls are thinking the morning after)
So we might decide the night was overall successful, and we want to get to know the guy better. The real question is how we keep the guy or at least keep him interested.
Well, first of all, it is far from difficult to redeem yourself from the above scenario. Out of the guys interviewed, the chances of a bar hookup turning into something more is slim to none. It’s a one-night thing in their minds. Jack, 22, says, “It would be different if we talked the entire night. There would be a possibility, but once again it would be very low.”
“I don’t like girls who are obscenely drunk or hella sloppy at the bar scene. It’s an automatic turn off.”
…but guys want relationships?
Believe it or not guys do search for relationships in college. It is more common junior and senior year because freshman and sophomore year is spent “dabbling” and randomly hooking up with the mentality of “let’s get black out and let’s get weird.” And most guys agree that random sex gets old fairly quickly. But what is it that guys look for or try to stay away from when it comes to girls?
Guys recommend that if a girl really likes a guy, she should try to hang out with him as much as possible and not do “anything.” If a guy is still interested after 10 days, there’s potential. When interviewed, college student Taylor says, “If my initial impression of a girl is not to hook up with her then I know there’s something there. A girl like that is hard to find though. You should want to hang out with them, and a relationship cannot solely be based on sex.”
…AND they don’t like texting?
What if you are talking to a guy and he is showing interest in you? DON’T play the texting game. We can all agree that life would have been nice back when texting did not exist and you were forced to have an actual conversation with another human being. Now, we are faced with the challenge of sifting through the exclamation points, periods, spaces, and emojis to find the meaning behind what is being said. To say the least, guys think it’s dumb. Dan, 20, says, “I hate the game society sets up for us. Don’t text me back a half hour later. Text me in five minutes or so. I can understand if it’s a one-time thing, but if it’s all the time, it’s a no-go.”
With that said, all of the men interviewed believe that we could and should break the age old socialized rule that guys need to be the first to text. When a girl texts the guy (of course, don’t do it every day), it gives them extra confidence. And when you do text a guy, don’t treat it like a conversation. Don’t say “Hey what’s up.” Instead, text him spontaneously about something you saw on “How I Met Your Mother”. Dan comments, “Texting takes away from the excitement of seeing the chick. A lot of girls text about their feelings or if I do something to upset them. But, to be honest, I’d rather just meet up in person.”
If you’re worried about whether a guy is interested in you, there are clear signs. A guy will never forget to text you. Of course if he’s texting during prime time—11p.m. to 2 a.m.—that’s a sign of trouble if you’re wanting something more than just a hit-it-and-quit-it. If you’re only getting short responses or flat out ignored, it’s not happening and you can certainly do better.
Texting is a risky business but, then again, guys do value conversation. It is the number one thing they look for and the number one thing keeping them around. Just like any relationship in life, it is not all physical (as hard as that may be to believe at the sexiest college in America). It is reassuring to know that there is more substance to men than a girl may think.