Love Stinks: Local Anti-Valentine’s Day Events

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by Sam Georgson, Contributing Writer

Illustrations by James Arbaje

Sour about celebrating Valentine’s Day this year because of a recent breakup? We have some suggestions for the newly-single on how to ring in this romantic holiday with some light-hearted catharsis.

Instead of sweating over your ex this V-Day, head to CYC to sweat out the toxins of your spoiled relationship. CYC Fitness has several classes scheduled for Valentine’s Day — some with more romantic themes — but their 5:45 p.m. class is reserved for the dejected and disheartened. They are hosting a full 45-minute cycling session where you can pump it up to your favorite breakup songs. There is nothing more motivating than working on your revenge body, and you might as well release some of that pent-up aggression in the process.

Valentine’s Day can be a hectic evening to dine out, even for those with relationships and reservations. Plus, there is nothing worse than the bitter feeling that comes with being the newly-single patron amongst a bunch of lovey-dovey couples. However, if you are still looking to get your fix and treat yourself to a meal out this Valentine’s Day, Hooters has you covered.

As you can imagine, Hooters is not the go-to destination spot for couples hoping to celebrate their love over a nice meal, but they certainly have a great deal for the heart-broken. Hooters is inviting patrons to shred a photo of their ex in exchange for free wings. As a part of the chain’s #shredyourex promotion guests are encouraged to come bearing an old photo of their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. Diners can even upload a photo to the Hooters website and fill out a questionnaire to receive a recommendation on how best to destroy the image. If completed, Hooters will grant customers their buy one, get one coupon for a 10-piece set of boneless wings. It’s a totally spicy deal with a side of sweet, sweet revenge.

If your recent breakup still has you sulking around and food won’t do the trick, grab a few of your other single friends and gear up for a night out. Wando’s Bar and Grill is hosting a Single’s Party and all of Madison’s most eligible bachelors and bachelorettes are invited. The party starts at 10:00 p.m. on Wednesday and the first 100 singles who make it through the line to the third floor will get a complimentary drink to get the juices flowing. 

The Majestic Theater is also throwing an Anti-Valentine’s Day bash this Saturday. They are inviting you and your fun-loving single friends to throw it all the way back with some old-school R&B at their Anti-Valentine’s Bump and Grind. They will be playing all of your middle school favorites, featuring plenty of slow jams and love songs to set the mood. Even if your mind is telling you no, your body will be telling you yes.

This year’s Hallmark holiday may be a bummer if you are getting over a relationship, but there are still plenty of festive ways to celebrate your newfound freedom and cleanse yourself of your old relationship. Whether you choose to ride it out at a workout class or drown your worries with fishbowls at Wando’s, may it all be in the spirit of St. Valentine. Remember, in the words of the infamous R. Kelly, there’s nothing wrong with a little bump and grind.

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