Beyond The Breakup
Written by Jessica Katz, Lifestyle Editorial Assistant
I’ve noticed a trend in breakups. It may sound silly, but hear me out.
I, the female, immediately am crushed, heartbroken, confused — all the strong, negative emotions. My heart shatters over the thought of losing someone I’ve connected with and grown so close to. I think about the memories, mainly the good ones, and overall, I miss him. I cry a lot. Like “go through two or three tissue boxes” a lot.
Then I slowly begin to get better, gain happiness and confidence, and feel alright on my own. Give me a few months, and I’m back to living my best life.
Now for the guy. He starts off fine as if a weight is lifted off his shoulders. He parties and hangs out with friends; basically, he tries to distract himself. He seems to have transitioned from the breakup to living his best life, with no emotion involved.
But then he starts to miss me, us, the relationship. Something hits him and he feels the pain I felt months ago.
I’ve heard people talk about the difference between how girls and guys cope after a breakup. I’ve even seen TikToks joking about it. But once I experienced it, the Psychology major in me had some questions.
Does this actually happen to all couples? And why does it happen?
Research reveals that women experience more pain, physically and emotionally, after a breakup than men do. This is because, on a biological level, a relationship means more to a woman than a man (Morris, 2015).
While breakups hit women the hardest, men have a harder time healing. Rather than taking time to recover, they instantly try to move on. After some time, however, the breakup will sink in. He will feel the need to “compete” to replace the bond he lost, or come to realize that his loss is irreplaceable (Morris, 2015).
Both men and women suffer a sense of loss after a breakup. However, while men get their self-esteem from the social status of being in a relationship, women get self-esteem from that connection with their partner. This difference has an effect on their coping strategies (Kenna, 2017).
Women tend to rely on friends and family for social support; they talk out their feelings and emotions. Meanwhile, men suck it up, get out and are active. They lack vulnerability in fear of being labeled as weak. By doing so, they suppress emotions, which makes getting over a relationship take much longer (Kenna, 2017).
Breakups have a significant impact on adolescents, especially in concern to mental health (Price, 2016). It’s important to reach out and seek help in times of vulnerability and overwhelming stress.
I’ve had my fair share of breakups, and I wouldn’t wish the pain of heartbreak upon anyone. It’s an emotional, confusing and overwhelming experience that differs from person to person. There is no easy way to cope and no real way to move on. But I promise you will be okay; just let yourself heal.
Sources:
Morris, Craig Eric, Chris Reiber, and Emily Roman. “Quantitative Sex Differences in Response to the Dissolution of a Romantic Relationship.” Quantitative Sex Differences in Response to the Dissolution of a Romantic Relationship., 2015.
Kenna, Siobhan. “The Reason Men And Women Deal With Break Ups Differently.” HuffPost Australia. HuffPost Australia, August 25, 2017.
Price, Megan, Leanne Hides, Wendell Cockshaw, Aleksandra Staneva, and Stoyan Stoyanov. “Young Love: Romantic Concerns and Associated Mental Health Issues among Adolescent Help-Seekers.” Behavioral Sciences6, no. 2 (June 2016): 9.