Am I Too Much?
A guide to feeling confident in your personality
Written by Jessica Katz, Lifestyle Editorial Assistant and Illustrated by Nicole Glesinger, Graphics Team Member
I don’t know if you’ve ever heard the song Liability by Lorde, but there’s one line that has stuck with me: “They say, you’re a little much for me. You’re a liability.”
Growing up, I was very reserved. I remember hiding behind my grandma’s legs when she picked me up at school. When I moved in fifth grade, the idea of having to make new friends seemed like a nightmare. But as I got older, I stopped shying away from being myself.
The only issue was my anxiety. I would overthink absolutely anything and everything. In high school, where life revolved around cliques and petty gossip, I felt as if all eyes were on me. I never had a solid friend group; rather, I was a floater, and that meant friendships would come and go. I never could quite understand why. That’s when the thought would cross my mind, Am I too much?
There are lots of negative gender stereotypes regarding female personalities. We’re seen as too loud, too emotional, too bossy. We’re judged for how we present ourselves and express our emotions.
A recent study found that while men earn respect for expressing anger, women lose respect when doing the same (Dahl, 2015). For instance, in 2014, Supreme Court Justice Sonia Sotomayor spoke up about the Court’s decision to uphold a ban on affirmative action at Michigan universities. Her minority opinion was immediately criticized for being based on emotion rather than logic. As a woman, openly expressing her anger led to people feeling less influenced by her opinion.
But society isn’t necessarily happy about either side of the spectrum. For example, a recent study found that women who are openly emotional aren’t taken seriously, but neither are women who hide their emotions (Dahl, 2015.).
No matter who you are, it’s inevitable that society will judge you.
It took me a while to come to peace with that idea. I had to realize that everyone has opinions about me, but the one that matters most is my own. I will be most happy not when I please those around me, but when I am the person I aspire to be.
Yes, I could be loud and obnoxious; I could ramble on about iced coffee and two minutes later somehow have transitioned to a debate of the superior Harry Styles era. But that’s me, and I like me.
We often talk about confidence in our appearance, but a part of that conversation that isn’t talked about enough is confidence in our personality. Self-confidence can be defined as your idea of your own worth (Ravenscraft, 2019). This confidence comes from within, not influenced by what others think of you.
You build self-confidence from being hyper honest with yourself. If you find yourself biting your tongue when asked about an aspect of your life, evaluate that. Take it as an indication to either change or, more likely, accept and own that part of yourself (Ravenscraft, 2019).
It’s also important to think positively to overcome your negative bias. Self-doubt stems from a natural instinct to protect yourself, but it’s important to recognize that not every new thing is a threat to your survival. All negative bias does is eat away at our confidence. One easy way to start thinking positively about yourself is to come up with five positive thoughts to counter every negative one (Ravenscraft, 2019).
I am not too much. I’m bubbly. I’m goofy. I’m outgoing. I’m open. And I’m annoying but in a good way. Your turn!
Sources:
Dahl, Melissa. “Women Who Show Anger Are Taken Less Seriously.” The Cut. The Cut, October 13, 2015.
Dahl, Melissa. “Women Are Judged Harshly for Showing Too Much Emotion and Not Enough.” The Cut. The Cut, November 5, 2015.
Ravenscraft, Eric. “Practical Ways to Improve Your Confidence (and Why You Should).” The New York Times. The New York Times, June 4, 2019.