Probably With That Blonde Girl
How to deal with your ex’s newfound happiness
Written by Mason Braasch, Lifestyle Staff Writer and Illustrated by Anna Janke, Graphics Team Member
By now, almost everyone has heard the heartbreaking song that is “driver’s license.” Olivia Rodrigo’s latest single has been at the top of the charts for more than a month straight, and many of us (including myself) have not stopped screaming the lyrics since the day it came out.
The theme of the song is simple and relatable — your first heartbreak. When I first heard the song in January, I was thanking my lucky stars that the song hadn’t come out in September, when I was experiencing exactly the kind of heartbreak that Olivia is singing about. Then, I heard the lyrics “you’re probably with that blonde girl.”
How did Olivia know exactly what to say to hurt my feelings? While I may be over the period of heartbreak that has me driving past my ex-boyfriend’s house crying, I can’t help but feel a little hurt as I watch the Instagram posts with another girl start to pop up. Is it jealousy? Sadness? I don’t think so. In any relationship, watching someone that you once loved move on to someone else can be one of the hardest parts of it ending, no matter what color hair they have.
I am ashamed to admit that when a new face-first popped up on the Snapchat story of my ex-boyfriend, I spiraled a bit. Okay, a lot. Hours spent on Instagram, Facebook and even LinkedIn learning every new detail about this girl. Despite the terrible way that it makes me feel, something makes me want to get lost in pictures of them together. How do I stop myself from falling down this rabbit hole over and over?
Not all of us have the capability to write a record-breaking song about this feeling, so how do we deal with it? In this situation, there is really only one solution —- block them. It might seem harsh-especially if you ended things in a good place, but it is the only way that you can ensure a new picture of them smiling over ice cream or professing their love for each other won’t accidentally end up in front of you. It doesn’t have to be forever, but taking time to separate yourself from your past and focus on your future can be beneficial to move on.
While you’re blocking your ex- go ahead and block their parents too; and their cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, or anyone whose post might cause you to cry. Your past love can pop up in more posts than just their own, and sometimes seeing your ex’s aunt’s picture of a family dinner can hurt just as bad as a post from your ex. It’s not a rude or petty thing to do. Giving yourself space from the things that hurt you while you’re healing is responsible, and effective and helping you grow.
I decided to just delete Instagram altogether, at least until I was able to see his name pop up on my screen without losing my breath; and it worked. Without the temptation to search their names and endlessly scroll, I was able to focus on myself and grow strong enough for the next notification.
Another good reason to block your ex or delete Instagram altogether is to save yourself from overposting in hopes that your ex will see it. Posting pictures and stories that will make your life post-breakup look glamorous doesn’t seem harmful per-se, and it isn’t if you’re posting for yourself. The problem is; it’s harder to move on when you are constantly checking whether or not they have seen your post. By distancing yourself online, you can make sure that what you’re posting online is what makes you happy, not what you think will make your ex sad.
One of the hardest things to deal with in a breakup is to watch your ex-partner’s life continue without you. It can be tempting to take the petty route, to hate their new partner, to scroll endlessly through their newfound happiness and to wallow in self-pity. But in the end, the most beneficial thing is just not to look; at least for a little while.
If you’re dealing with this second wave of heartbreak and waiting on the edge of your seat to see your ex’s next post, snap or story, I encourage you to block, delete and ignore them. You’re no longer tied to them, and you should no longer allow them to cause you pain. Blocking your ex is the newest form of heart-break self-care, and it works wonders.
Whether you take time away from social media to develop a new hobby, to work on yourself, or even to scream the lyrics of driver’s license for the 8000th time, the time that you spend away will help make this part of a breakup easier to manage, and will help you grow into a stronger person in the end.