Modern Arranged Marriages—Completely Unlike Lifetime's “Married At First Sight”
Written by Ariana King, Culture Staff Writer, and illustrated by Katie Herrick, Culture Editor
It’s late Thursday night and I’m scrolling through Youtube videos when a new recommendation catches my eye. The show is called “Married at First Sight,” another one of Lifetime’s reality television shows where a group of relationship experts match up a few hopefuls to be married—you guessed it—at first sight.
While I hate to admit that the show has me hooked, I didn’t just watch it for the drama. In the back of my mind, I kept asking myself what this show teaches people about arranged marriages and how that representation is reflected in American culture. Mostly, I wondered why a show about arranged marriage would be such a spectacle now since arranged marriages have been around for ages.
Unlike the hopeless romantics who marry “for love” on the show, most arranged marriages up until the 1700s were made for family prestige, financial security and social stability (Yandura, 2019).
Yet, it isn’t surprising that each “Married at First Sight” star claims that “love” is their number one priority; 88 percent of Americans feel the same way according to a 2013 Pew Center poll (Fieger & Livingston, 2019). It’s a big reason why arranged marriages, often thought of as loveless, are stigmatized.
Today, the majority of arranged marriages in America take place within immigrant communities, particularly ones that come from South Asia, Africa, the Middle East and East Asian countries like Japan and China. They’re often done to keep family tradition, but they are not as loveless as people make them out to be (Yandura, 2019).
Speaking as a first-generation Iraqi-American, Huda Al-Marashi penned a memoir about her own arranged marriage to fight misconceptions. She and her husband had known each other since childhood, and he had confessed his feelings for her long before they wed (Al-Marashi, 2018).
Unlike “Married at First Sight”, Al-Marashi writes that the vast majority of people do not marry a complete stranger. While they may meet their future spouse through dating apps or parental guidance, couples typically date before marriage (Al-Marashi, 2018).
The benefits of arranged marriage also vary greatly from reality television to real life. Stars on Lifetime’s hit series are merely offered the chance for a perfect match by experts. In real life, the parents, who have known their children all their lives, are often relied upon to help rationalize a situation in which their child has been blinded by love (Yandura, 2019).
The idea of arranged marriage is also appealing because each party knows the other is looking for marriage; there is no “what are we” question (Yandura, 2019). Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for a reality television show.
Thus far, it is clear that modern arranged marriages differ greatly from the kinds seen on Lifetime television. However, both marriages often rely, in part, on quizzes and criteria found in dating apps in order to pair up. The show’s stars trust expert evaluation—a human stand-in for computer algorithms—while the rise of matrimonial websites, particularly in the Indian diaspora, help people find a potential partner (Batabyal, 2018).
This link of dating sites between arranged and non-arranged marriages gives Batabyal hope that the stigma in the United States against arranged marriage will diminish over time (Batabyal, 2018).
The reality of arranged marriages in America is not like reality television—surprise, surprise. But, that does not mean that the show presents no takeaways when it comes to American dating culture.
“Married at First Sight” reflects how prevalent dating apps and other “unconventional ways” to meet a partner have become, both on and off the show. It portrays the extensive trust in outside sources—the experts in this case—that is common in real life arranged marriages as well. But most of all, it tells us just how much Americans prioritize love since that’s the whole reason the participants embarked on this journey in the first place. ⏣
Sources:
Al-Marashi, Huda. “7 Things I wish more people understood about my arranged marriage.” Self.com. Last modified November 1, 2018.
Batabyal, Amitrajeet. “What meeting your spouse online has in common with arranged marriage.” The Conversation. Last modified April 4, 2018.
Feiger, A. W. and Livingston, Gretchen. “8 Facts about love and marriage in America.” Pew Research Organisation. Last modified February 13, 2019.
Yandura, Kelsey. “What is Arranged Marriage like in America Today?”. Rewire. Last modified November 22, 2019.