Real Love, Baby
Couples’ advice on keeping your relationship feeling real
Written by Jessica Katz, Online Editor
Photographed by Hunter Kiehl, Staff Photographer
Modeled by Madelyn Vilker and Christopher Hasting
From catching a crush to making things official and falling in love, there’s something beautiful about a blossoming love story—the butterflies in your stomach and the tingling in your heart when you think you’ve found your person.
Unfortunately, it isn’t that easy. Even when you find “the right person,” maintaining a healthy relationship can be quite challenging.
I have spoken with six serious, long-term couples. Here are their love stories and words of advice on how they keep their relationships feeling real.
Sydney and Jaden: Remember to date your partner.
At only five years old, Sydney and Jaden met when they both played for their hometown soccer team. After a decade of friendship, the two began dating at 15 years old. About six years later, Jaden proposed to Sydney on July 2, 2021.
According to Sydney, their relationship dynamic changed when they began living together in their sophomore year of college. “We would see each other every day, but we wouldn’t necessarily spend quality time together,” she said. The two began working on making time for each other outside of their normal day-to-day interactions—watching movies, cooking meals, playing games like cribbage.
Sydney emphasized the importance of quality time. For her, being able to truly date her boyfriend, just as they had done at the beginning of their relationship, helped keep their dynamic fresh.
Brooke and Austin: Communicate openly.
Brooke and Austin started off as friends when they met at their college dorm. They began dating shortly after and have been together for about a year and a half.
To Brooke, their open communication helped strengthen their trust. “We both know that if there’s a problem, within a day, we’ll bring it up,” she said.
Brooke described how she and Austin maintain healthy communication. Whenever she senses a problem, she first turns to her roommates for support, explaining that it “really helps with getting out the frustration.”
Brooke believes the best way to communicate is to open up about your feelings and allow a flow of conversation. This prevents fighting and accusations and builds a foundation of trust.
Livya and Matteo: Check in with your partner.
Livya and Matteo met in February and quickly became close, making things official shortly after.
Livya stresses the importance of checking in. “It is deeply important so that you and your partner stay on the same page in terms of where you are in the relationship… These check-ins are important not only for your partner but for your sake, as well,” they said.
Livya likes to be playful in checking in, asking, “Hey, Matteo. Do you feel loved? Do you feel appreciated? Do you feel cared for? Do you feel safe?”
To them, these questions help to set and maintain boundaries, but they serve the main purpose of keeping both parties happy and on the same page.
Swati and Colin: Make compromises for each other.
Swati and Colin have known each other since the beginning of high school, but they both caught feelings for each other at the end of their senior year and have been dating at college ever since.
Swati believes an important part of communication is making compromises. “You can’t get everything you want,” said Swati. “You’re two separate people who grew up in separate families, so the way you both live and interact with other people is going to be different. So you have to learn to see their point of view.”
Sophie and Kincer: Put yourself first.
When Sophie and Kincer met, there were no strings attached, but that quickly changed. “He started liking me, and I was confused,” said Sophie. “Eventually, he was like, ‘Let me take you on a really good date, so you can know what it’s like to be treated well.’”
Sophie feels this is the healthiest and most stable relationship she’s been in, declaring, “I know I’m my happiest and most myself when I’m with him.” To her, a strong relationship is rooted in self-appreciation and self-confidence. Rather than being codependent on your partner, it’s important to do things for yourself.
Sophie believes she was able to get into a healthy relationship because she prioritized herself. “I was so unapologetically myself, I knew what I wanted and I stayed true to that,” she said.
Madelyn and Christopher: Be spontaneous.
Madelyn just celebrated her two-year anniversary with Christopher by making him a video—an accumulation of their memories. Christopher described his reaction to this very special gift as feeling very appreciated.
They have kept their relationship real by maintaining that spark. They’ve gone to Puerto Rico, New York and Los Angeles together, but they’ve also had many more local adventures.
“I’ve found that it’s when nothing really exciting is going on and there’s more spontaneous actions that you take, you spice up the relationship,” said Christopher. “That’s where the real magic happens.”
Madelyn described their most recent date: they grabbed food, went shopping and laid in the grass just outside her hometown.
“Go on adventures with each other,” said Christopher. “That can be exotic travels or maybe just trying out new places. Dating out of your normal environment, … that makes you feel like you’re two people taking on the world.”
As you and your partner continue to grow as individuals, grow together, as well. Be there for each other. Make time for each other. Show love for each other. The energy you put into your relationship will keep it feeling real.