Sex, Love and Disability
Why representation of love with a disability matters
By Braden Ross, Culture Editorial Assistant
Romantic love is an important part of life for most people, and people with disabilities are no exception. While romantic relationships usually look a little different for people with disabilities, they are valid and beautiful, and they deserve representation.
Relationships where either one or both individuals have some sort of disability battle stigma and misunderstanding on a daily basis. Comments that a disabled person “must be rich” as an explanation for why an able-bodied person would be romantically interested in them, or remarks praising a person without disabilities for being with a disabled person, as if it’s something they settled for, can be degrading and perpetuate harmful stereotypes (Taylor, 2021a).
Many people with disabilities experience infantilization, or the characterization of people with physical or mental disabilities as childlike and lacking romantic or sexual desires. Their partners are often seen as caretakers and the relationship is viewed as one-sided. In reality, partnerships should always be equal, and while disabilities may inhibit partners from doing some of the work that we associate as being traditional, disabled partners can provide emotional support and complete other tasks to keep the relationship balanced (Taylor, 2021).
Sex for people with disabilities is often incredibly misunderstood and sorely underrepresented. Disabilities affect people in many different ways, and for some, disabilities change the way they engage in sex. Though physical intimacy for people with disabilities is often not the same as how abled people experience it, it can still be beautiful and sexy (Taylor, 2021a).
Representation of people with disabilities is lacking in media. A GLAAD study found that only 3.5% of recurring characters on broadcast TV series in 2021 have a disability (Where We Are on TV Report, 2021). Portrayals of their romantic relationships are even less common, and when they are present, they often continue to perpetuate harmful stereotypes and misconceptions.
For example, “Glee,” a show known for its representations of marginalized groups and their struggles, featured several characters with disabilities. One of its core main characters, Artie uses a wheelchair, another character, Becky, has Down Syndrome and guidance counselor Emma has Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. All of these characters enter into romantic relationships throughout the show. These portrayals received mixed reviews, with some criticizing the representations for perpetuating infantilization and others commending the show for taking on previously taboo topics such as intimacy among disabled people (Levins, 2013).
In other cases, like Netflix’s “Atypical,” which follows its autistic main character Sam as he navigates life and romantic relationships, the representation isn’t exactly what people with disabilities hoped for. In the show, Sam’s autism and the situations that arise because of it often become the butt of the joke and play into stereotypes and misconceptions about autism and people on the spectrum. In addition, “Atypical” seemed to make no effort to include autistic creatives on the project and the actor who plays Sam is not on the spectrum (Rowe, 2017).
Representations of disability often fall into the trope of a disabled character, or a character close to them, wishing they didn’t have their disability. Many shows and movies with physically disabled characters, from “Glee” to “The Theory of Everything,” include a dream sequence in which the disabled character can suddenly walk and is much happier because of it. However, the very ability of these shows to film scenes where their disabled character, played by a non-disabled actor, starts strolling around is a reflection of the discrimination that people with disabilities still face as they aren’t hired to play disabled characters. An estimated 95% of characters with disabilities are played by non-disabled actors (Visibility of Disability, 2021).
Non-disabled actors playing disabled characters and the lack of disabled writers, producers and other creatives can contribute heavily to the misrepresentation of disabilities in media, and it’s far too common. The 2016 film “Me Before You” received criticism for casting a non-disabled actor, Sam Claflin, in the role of a paralyzed wheelchair user who contemplates suicide as he feels life is no longer worth living if he has to do it with a disability (Taylor, 2021b). Not only did the film perpetuate the idea that life is less valuable for people living with disabilities, but it also fell into the category of films about disability made without input from disabled people. In 2015, Eddie Redmayne won an Oscar for his performance as Stephen Hawking, the real-life physicist who had ALS and used a wheelchair, in “The Theory of Everything.” Redmayne does not have a physical disability and walked up to the stage to accept his award, allowing viewers to compartmentalize disabilities within a semi-fictional story and avoid confronting the reality that people with disabilities exist outside of their neatly resolved storylines in films and TV shows (Harris, 2015).
However, films and TV shows are starting to do better. Netflix’s “Sex Education” features a character named Isaac, who uses a wheelchair, and presents him as a multifaceted, well fleshed out character with personality traits beyond just being disabled. The actor who plays Isaac, George Robinson, is disabled, and was given the opportunity to provide his input to the show’s creators to ensure an accurate portrayal of disability. The recently released third season of the show even includes an intimate scene between Isaac and another character, which was praised for being a beautiful and accurate representation of intimacy for people with disabilities (Taylor, 2021b).
As representations of people with disabilities become more common, disabled communities hope that their accuracy will grow, too. By employing people with disabilities as actors, writers, producers and directors, media portraying people with disabilities, specifically romance and intimacy for disabled people, will be able to help in the fight to destigmatize disability rather than contribute to harmful stereotypes.
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