The Chase
The phenomenon of the chase in the early stages of a relationship
By Lily Mihelich, Contributing Writer
Attention and attraction are additive. When we meet somebody we're interested in, we react mentally and physically by further craving their presence, input and approval. The chase refers to the excitement that unfolds at the beginning of a relationship, a period in which we romanticize an individual and obsess over their attention. Has our rapid environment and the age of online dating trained us to crave attention rather than authentic connection? There is a psychology behind the chase, and it lies within anticipation.
For me, the best part of having a crush on somebody is the eagerness I feel while I anticipate their presence, if I receive an unexpected call, an invitation or run into them on a night out. The hope that they share the same interest that I do is exhilarating. The beauty behind the chase is uncertainty—I relish in the drama of the unknown.
The psychological feedback loop of the chase begins with anticipatory joy, in which suspense triggers dopamine neurotransmitters (Seppälä, 2013). Dopamine is the chemical messenger associated with reward and satisfaction, and its release induces us to further crave someone's presence. The chase is so intoxicating because we become enamored with people and our body releases a physical response to them. This cycle has quite literally kept our human race alive because without entertaining our love interests or seeking dopamine releases, we would not establish successful sexual relationships. The evolution of social media has intensified our need for gratification and the speed at which we receive it. We can type a text at any moment, but we can't always be with someone.
Social media makes hookups and relationships more accessible. Dating apps, such as Tinder and Hinge, also perpetuate their own psychological sensations. We associate dopamine with positive sensations like sex or laughter, and research has found that smartphones insinuate the release of dopamine. Our brain releases these chemicals when we receive messages, likes and follows. Our hope for both online and in-person approval spikes the cue for dopamine release. The feeling of suspense mirrors the gratification of approval. This process is known as reward prediction error encoding, and it occurs when we latch on to the feeling of uninterrupted reward (Haynes, 2018). Our phones sustain the chase in a similar, yet more frequent manner to the chase in real life. Examples of the virtual chase include waiting for comments on your latest Instagram post, Snapchat from your latest hookup or receiving of risky texts.
So, when does the chase become harmful?
The chase becomes unhealthy when we become entangled with needing constant gratification that can stunt the progression of our personal lives. Like typical bad habits such as smoking or over-purchasing, social media can diminish our self-control. This leads us to become accustomed to the chronic alerts on our devices and distracted from our own needs. Evidence suggests that phones act as barriers to mindfulness, including the awareness of one's emotions while enduring life's trials and tribulations (Du, 2021). When we get wrapped up in the chase, it is absolutely necessary that we reflect on our personal values, intentions, and care. Communication is key, as is establishing your sexual intentions and feelings with a potential partner. Here are some questions you can ask yourself while pursuing the chase in a healthy manner:
What kind of relationship do I want with this person?
Am I comfortable with this person outside of my phone?
Am I looking for a romantic relationship or casual sex?
Have I made my intentions clear?
Is the relationship I share with this person consistent both online and in-person?
Love has become so intertwined with technology that these psychological feedback loops are more relevant than ever. What's important to remember is that it is natural to desire validation, sexual and romantic fulfillment. The chase can be pleasant when we use anticipation to fuel positive goals, but indulgence is best served with a side or reflection and communication (Seppälä, 2013).
Sources:
Seppälä, E. (2013, August 13). How Desire Fools Us: The Benefits and Dangers of The Chase. Psychology Today.
Haynes, T. (2018, May 1). Dopamine, Smartphones & You: A battle for your time. Harvard University.
Du, J. Kerkhof p. Koningsbruggen, G. (2021, August 4). The reciprocal relationships between social media self-control failure, mindfulness and wellbeing: A longitudinal study. Plus One.