The Fishbowl
Written by Jessica Katz, Lifestyle Editorial Assistant
Those who stand out swim in the fishbowl; all eyes are on us.
We’re watched and judged. Drama revolves around us.
The term was meant to be taken lightly, simply describing anyone creating drama, but when I was told I had been placed inside the fishbowl, I wanted to vomit. I felt uncomfortable with all this negative attention on me. To know people had been gossiping, talking about me behind my back. All because I had been talking to boys.
Just talking. Conversing. Being a normal, friendly human.
Because I have a vagina and the people I had been talking with had penises, my actions were considered scandalous. Being friendly? Nope, I was assumed to be flirting.
I’m used to this, though. Junior year of high school, I bonded with a boy; we had this immediate connection. His positive energy was contagious, we had similar senses of humor, and our conversations flowed seamlessly. I was overjoyed to call him one of my best friends, but everyone found this relationship, or lack-thereof, confusing.
How could I talk to a boy without catching feelings? How could I hug a boy without romantic intentions? People gossiped. A lot. There were rumors that we were dating, and worse, rumors that I slept with him. And these rumors ultimately destroyed our friendship.
I was slut-shamed. She slept with him? My sexuality was thoughtlessly thrown around in conversations as if it wasn’t personal to me.
46% of girls have been slut-shamed in middle school or high school (Kohli 2016). This shame not only damages self-esteem but affects other aspects of life like education and health (Bronstein 2019).
When you feel judgment from others, you begin to judge yourself. You overthink your actions. You can’t work, sleep, or breathe without feeling trapped in your mind. And that stress damages your wellbeing.
I felt dehumanized by the comments people made about me, to know that I can not speak to another person without being labeled in a sexualizing manner. I should be free to talk to whomever I want in whatever manner I want, without all eyes on me.
I want to be friends with a boy without being in the fishbowl.
Sources
Kohli, Sonali. “The Problem with Slut Shaming in Schools.” Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times, February 22, 2016.
Bronstein, Ryan. “Slut-Shaming Influences Self-Esteem In Girls.” The Odyssey Online. The Odyssey Online, October 17, 2019.