The Sorority Girl I Am Not
Greek life is not for me, and that’s okay.
By Kara Conrad, Website Manager
I do not come from a long line of Greek life legacies. My only exposure to this piece of college life was Legally Blonde’s exaggerated character Elle Woods. That changed in the summer of 2020 when the “online dating” process for finding a freshman year roommate commenced. It felt like every incoming student was determined to join Madison’s Greek life community.
“I am so excited to rush.” “I will definitely be rushing.” “I hope to find a roommate who is also rushing.” So my trip to greeklife.com, a site that ranks various sororities and frats, began, adding to my limited greek life knowledge. Since everything from courses to clubs were online my first year of college, there were limited opportunities for involvement. Joining a sorority seemed like my only option. Everyone and their mother was, so peer pressure convinced me. I had little idea of what sororities were like, only the general superficial notions and stereotypes, but I thought it would be most genuine to go in blind-eyed.
So I rushed (online style). To briefly describe the Panhellenic Association rush process at UW-Madison, there are two recruitment types (Recruitment & Intake, n.d.). I participated in Primary Recruitment, taking place in the fall. There are four rounds to narrow down potential new members (PNMs). PNMs will chat with girls in each house to get to know each other while learning about each house. After each round, PNMs rank the houses (eliminate some), which the houses do the same for the PNMs. If both a house and PNM select each other, the PNM will be invited back to that house for the next round.
There were parts of the process I enjoyed, like curating outfits and filming Round 1’s introduction video with my roommate. Having bubbly conversations on Zoom with all sorts of upperclassmen was refreshing while being cooped up in my dorm that fall. As the selective rush process transpired, I had different conversations, but with freshmen gossiping about houses they favored and their reputations. This quickly opened my eyes to the hierarchy of Greek life. There were the cool houses and the less popular ones. As I looked at my rush schedule, I could not help but compare myself to my roommate when receiving our houses each round. Was I too chaotic or too reserved? Did I not fit the typical physique mold? My insecurities were answering these questions for why certain houses dropped me.
The grass really is greener on the other side, or better in another sorority’s house, I should say since I was focusing on all the better qualities of other houses and girls' experiences while in envy. I wished I was higher up on the Greek life hierarchy. I bashed myself for not doing my Madison sororities research ahead of time so I would have known which houses were the “best.” I wish I went in with the preconceived notions I originally thought would only hurt me by clouding my judgment. After recruitment, I realized that for the most part, girls don’t totally fall in love or fit perfectly into one house but strive for the ones with the best reputations. It was a hard pill to swallow and one that didn't sit well in my stomach. Genuinity was not a priority.
You don’t have to dig very deep to notice that the Greek life hierarchy is heavily formulated by appearance, family legacies, money and hometowns. Online rush heightened the superficialness of the process. I tried ignoring these observations since I wanted to be on board with all the Greek life fanatics, but I felt disturbed. I couldn’t quite ignore the foundation Greek life was built on.
A case study led by L.B. Auther involved interviewing sororities from a certain big state school. Students were asked to rank sorority houses based on their popularity. The results proved that popularity was based on appearance. The most unpopular sororities houses, or as the Greeks call it “the lowest tier,” were perceived as least attractive and less economically wealthy whereas the most popular or “highest tier” was the most attractive and economically wealthy girls (Arthur, 90).
Moreover, most greek organizations officially banned non-White students and minorities from joining during the first half of the twentieth century (Lee, 1955). According to Angela Peterson from The Badger Herald, “until 1961, various Greek organizations on UW’s campus restricted membership based on racial, ethnic or religious grounds.” And the scary part is that the University of Wisconsin-Madison was one of the first universities to eliminate such provisions, so discrimination openly was occurring nationwide for decades after, and as we know still occurs today (Lee, 1955). The fact of the matter is Greek life is built upon a system of discrimination and that is still bleeding into today and continues to impact our campus community and marginalized voices.
In the weeks following bid day, I noticed I was in a box of how to look or act a certain way according to my sorority. I hated seeing the way people reacted to hearing which house I was in told me exactly what they were thinking and what they now associated me with. I didn’t want to be buckled down to one specific superficial identity which was how I viewed it. Observing the way certain students fully identified themselves as their house had me wondering: was I gaining something from this community, or was it simply gaining my due payments and puppeteering what my image was for their invitation-only family?
I was in this limbo of being too weird or audacious for the sorority scene but too basic or mainstream for those proud to not identify themselves as a part of Greek life. My experience with Greek life was too similar to my small catholic high school cliques hierarchy and the gossip and barriers that follow. What good did that do me then? Cliche alert— college is where you grow your individuality. No single person will completely align with another, and the one size fits all model Greek life inhibits is not feasible in the real world. I associate self-identity with the idea of personal branding. Personal branding is a fluid practice and something that is always evolving, not meant to be compartmentalized.
I want to highlight that there are many benefits to joining the Greek life community. It is a great opportunity to make connections, be a part of a smaller community, find support and offer structure to the unfamiliar path college can be. So it was difficult to say goodbye to the Greek life scene. Every student is different, but at the end of the day for myself, the cons outweigh the pros.
From my experience, I learned a few very important lessons.
I can find genuine communities in so many other places.
Being labeled a GEED (slang for non-greek students) does not make you lame.
I like my freedom to fully embrace and explore my individualism.
Sources:
Peterson, A. (2020, February 4). A checkered past. The Badger Herald.
Lee, A.M. (1955). Fraternities without Brotherhood: A Campus Report on Racial and Religious Prejudice. Boston: Beacon.
Schmitz, S., & Forbes, S. A. (1994). Choices in a no-choice system: Motives and biases in sorority segregation. Journal of College Student Development, 35, 103-108.
Arthur, L.B. (1999). Dress and the Social Construction of Gender in Two Sororities. Clothing and Textiles Research Journal, 17, 84 - 93.
Recruitment & Intake. (n.d.). University of Wisconsin-Madison Fraternity & Sorority Life.