I Feel... A Lot.
An empath doesn’t just feel for someone — they feel with someone.
Written by Jessica Katz, Lifestyle Editorial Assistant
I’m an empath. I’m not sure if it’s because of the way I was raised, my life experiences, or my anxiety. Regardless, my ability to take in others’ emotions so deeply that I want to do something about them is both a blessing and a curse. Let me explain.
An empath is someone who doesn’t just feel for someone — they feel with someone. They’re highly sensitive individuals who can sense what others are feeling, often to the point of taking on the pain of others at their own expense (Firestone, 2017).
I first recognized I was an empath when my friend described breaking her arm to me. I not only felt for her, but I also felt a little tingle in my arm that made me shiver… almost as if I felt with her. Now, it’s not like I experienced the exact physical pain as her – that would be nearly impossible – but I did experience slight discomfort as she described her pain.
I consider myself a caring and supportive friend, one that the people in my life can come to for advice or simply rant. When I get close to someone, I almost take on a partial role as a therapist, because I want to check in on my friends and make sure they’re alright.
I have empathy for them. When a friend or anyone, to be honest, shares with me their struggles or emotions I instinctively put myself in their shoes. I begin to feel what they feel, which drives me to want to do whatever I can to make things right for them.
Being an empath can be overwhelming. Since I quite literally feel what others are going through, I can experience a multitude of emotions. It isn’t entirely healthy to take on the problems of others as my own; empaths have difficulty setting boundaries for themselves, even when the pressure is too much.
A friend opened up to me recently about feeling depressed; he had no motivation to care for himself, leave his room or socialize. I not only felt bad for him but this conversation seriously affected my state of being as well. I started to feel very down, even long after our conversations.
Taking on this role can also be draining. A study from 2011 suggests a possible link between highly empathetic individuals and social anxiety, due to their sensitivity (Shamay-Tsoory and Tibi-Elhanany).
For me, the hardest part is the struggle to find meaningful, balanced friendships. I often find myself in this cycle of gaining and losing friends, because I cannot survive surface-level friendships. I consider myself someone who cares a lot. Scratch that — someone who cares too much. I know the majority of friends aren’t going to show appreciation and affection to the same degree, but it’s difficult to constantly carry the weight of the friendship on my shoulders.
Yet, I see my empathy as a blessing. To me, this quality of mine makes me an excellent friend; I’m there for others in times of need to listen and give advice. I’m generous and kind-hearted. In fact, I think I was put on this earth to spread positivity and love, as I know how it feels to be at my lowest.
There are solutions to the downsides of being highly empathetic.
Empaths tend to get caught up in the lives of others, so make sure to focus on yourself. Practice mindfulness through meditation, yoga, journaling or however you see fit. It might be peaceful to even spend some time in nature.
It’s important to always put yourself first and set boundaries; it does not mean you don’t care about someone if you simply cannot give them 100% of your energy. It’s okay to say no, sometimes.
Lastly, since you’re so understanding of others, try to be understanding of yourself, your struggles and your feelings. Ignore your inner critic — let those negative thoughts pass. Rather, practice self-compassion; acknowledge all of your emotions, recognize it’s okay to be imperfect and, lastly, be kind to yourself (Firestone, 2017).
So many people struggle with emotions — embrace yours! It’s okay to feel.
Sources:
Firestone, Lena. “Empaths: What Does It Mean to Be an Empath?” Psychalive, 2017. Empaths: What Does it Mean to Be an Empath?
Shamay-Tsoory, Simone G, and Yasmin Tibi-Elhanany. “Social Cognition in Social Anxiety: First Evidence for Increased Empathic Abilities.” The Israel journal of psychiatry and related sciences. U.S. National Library of Medicine.