RomantiLIEs
The harmful impact of the romanticized version of ‘love’ in the media
By Noa Chamberlin, Arts Staff Writer
In films, books and television, the concept of ‘love’ is often portrayed in a certain idealized way; the boy gets the girl, they fall in love at first sight, there is an obstacle that is overcome by love and, most importantly, they live happily ever after. Now, this may seem like a pleasant storyline to be entertained with, but love, in reality, is far from the way it is portrayed in the movies.
The thing about romantic movies and romance novels is that they all follow the same basic format. Jordan Kantey, writer, editor and product developer, breaks it down to six major necessities that are essential to making a romance novel. Some of these tips are as follows: a quick intensification of a physical and emotional relationship between two characters, followed by seeds of main conflicts that keep the characters from their goals and romantic fulfillment. Then there’s a turning point that incites greater romantic tension. Subsequently, the climax where everything appears hopeless and the protagonists’ future together is completely in question. And finally, the resolution where they end up together (Kantey, 2014). The stereotypical, and somewhat cliche, chain of events leaves the reader satisfied and entertained; however, the story doesn’t end after the happily ever after.
I have always been a huge fan of romantic comedies, they were an essential part of my upbringing and film education. Because of this, it came as quite a shock when I wasn’t immediately swept off my feet by the first guy I made eye contact with across a room. I have never been in love. I grew up thinking that a specific chain of events would simply happen to me like how it did in the movies. Not only was I left feeling disappointed that I wasn’t enchanted with a dinner by candlelight or serenaded with a performance on the school bleachers, but the perfect portrayals of love that lived in my head also had a profound effect on how I felt about myself; why wasn’t this happening to me?
Constantly being exposed to “perfect” and “healthy” relationships in the media creates a false pretense of what an actual healthy relationship looks like and what the reality of being in love is. From a young age, we are told by books and movies that meeting the love of our life is one of the most important milestones we will ever experience (Tran, 2016). Romance as a concept occupies its own entire genre in books, movies and television, leaving people who are not in relationships constantly reminded of their lack of a significant other (Tran, 2016).
The false representation of the reality of love and relationships is especially detrimental for teenagers and young adults (Lippman, 2016). According to Julia Lippman, a postdoctoral fellow at the University of Michigan’s Department of Communication Studies, at that age, “you are old enough to be interested in figuring out how relationships work but tend to have limited personal experience with dating to draw on. Therefore, you turn to media for guidance.”
Watching and reading stories about people falling in love at first sight, going on the perfect romantic date or having a first kiss in the rain, make being in love seem so easy and effortless. Leaving viewers setting themselves up for disappointment because of the impossible standard set in our minds that stems from the genera of romance. The media constantly portrays romantic relationships through “rose-colored glasses,” placing a filter on reality (Lippman, 2016).
Love stories presented in the media are great forms of entertainment, however, they tend to cause not only unrealistic but unhealthy perceptions of love for their audiences. I think it’s important that we acknowledge the unspoken standards created by these false narratives and work to become content with the other meaningful aspects of our lives. Instead of worrying about relationships, we should focus on building friendships and maybe one day you will meet your soulmate. Or maybe you will realize that you want to spend your life with your best friends. Life should not be spent trying to fall in love but should be spent on you, finding yourself.