Sisters Before Misters

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The sacred bond of girl code

Written by Jessica Katz, Lifestyle Editorial Assistant, and Illustrated by Nicole Glesinger, Graphics Staff

Girl code. We all know of girl code, but there exists much controversy and confusion surrounding it: What exactly is girl code? Is it real? Who does it apply to? What happens if you break it? And why is it so important?

The definition of girl code that we commonly hear of is that if you’re close friends with a girl, you aren’t allowed to get with her exes. And it makes sense; we don’t want our friends to get with our exes. It’s uncomfortable, hurtful, and overall, weird.

But girl code is more than not getting with a friend’s ex, rather, it’s the unwritten and often unspoken rules of do’s and don’ts between a girl and her friends. They’re basically the values that mold together a relationship. As you build friendships, grow within them and become closer to others, keep girl code in mind. Maybe even bring the idea up in conversation, it wouldn’t hurt.

Is girl code real? Yes and no. Not the answer you were looking for, I know, but it all depends on you. There is no outline of rules mandating your friendships. That decision is up to you and the quality of your relationships with your friends. A girl should prioritize her friends and they should prioritize her. There should be mutual trust and respect within a friendship, and if you feel that is the case, then yes, girl code is real.

Establishing girl code within a friendship is easy. As I said, it all depends on you. You and your friends have different experiences, struggles and values that play into your relationships. Keep those in mind when making decisions that affect each other. It’s sisters before misters, so hold the opinions of your friends to a higher standard.

As you can tell, girl code applies to all aspects of life. It’s all about building up your gal pals. As they go through struggles, be a shoulder to cry on. As they celebrate milestones, be their biggest fan and celebrate with them. As they show vulnerability in making big decisions, cheer them on and motivate them.

Moreover, it’s important to note that these interactions between you and your friends stay between you and your friends. You don’t make fun of your friends behind their backs, try to one-up them or share their secrets. Think about your girls when making decisions that affect them. Try not to do anything that will hurt them, and if you’re questioning a decision, communicate with your friends directly.

Since there is no one specific definition of girl code, it’s normal to question who your loyalty lies with. While the decision, once again, depends on you, there are ways to go about answering this question.

We all have different levels of friendship, ranging from best friends to acquaintances, and it’s fair to even bring friends of friends into this conversation. Girl code applies to anyone you want to maintain a friendship with, whether you are best friends or just met. These rules are meant to help girls support one another and maintain relationships with those you truly care about (Sheffler, 2020).

Obviously, breaking the sacred bond of girl code is a big no-no. But we’re human, and we make mistakes. If you ever come close to, think about, or already have broken girl code, you have to come clean; tell the truth and your side of the story. This is a difficult conversation to have, filled with guilt and vulnerability, but you have to rebuild the trust.

Support your friends’ decisions, but don’t let them get hurt. Confide in your friends’ struggles, but don’t blab about those struggles to anyone else. Comfort your friends after bad breakups, but seriously, don’t you dare get with their exes. Don’t even think about it.

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